Survival of life remained not possible without mental spillage by pen.

Thank you, Aunty Uta.  

You made a comment  some weeks back.  You said people would be interested in reading my James Diary – the words I wrote in my first year out of marriage.  

I wrote it here and there, in some parts literally crouched at my locker during work breaks at Burswood Casino, where I was croupier.  The other girls – people I did not relate to would say, “What are you writing?“  I’d reply, “Just stuff.“  But there I was in amongst them, recording life like an Illusion sunk slow-mo’.   Survival of life remained not possible without mental spillage by pen.  .

~

A private investigator I came to know – not Stuart the PI, my lover of two years, but Geoff; he read the James Diary.  I had mentioned it some day some why, and he wanted to read it.    

He finished it overnight.  Then asked what else of me he could read.  

I was sort of complimented – “sort of“ because dad had defined, and I had not yet redefined, that “Boys will never want you for you:  will only ever want you for sex.”  With dad’s decree not yet quite disproven, I was skeptical of Geoff’s interest in my “writing”.  It would be nice if he meant it – of course, of course – but, I don’t know…

~

Aunty Uta, thanks directly to YOU - and AussieEmu‘s generous and encouraging comments just  a day ago – when I received a discounted offer re self-publishing via email coincidentally, I decided to do it.   And now I’m doing it!  Here is my draft of the front and rear covers.  I wonder, does it make you want to read…?

FRONT COVER

BACK COVER

The blood splat will NOT be used in publication, as it is the work of Hot Cookie.  I am using it only in example to communicate to the graphic artists at the publishing house, what I wish represented in that space.  I was thinking “a splat of blood with a hint of heart”, then I found this visual of Cookie’s.  Perfecto!

What I do wish to use, though, is quotes from a handful of readers, of what they think of my writing.  I’ve chosen the following quotes, and here openly request your blessing, each, to use your comment on the back cover of the book.  May I have your OK Sharon?

“Haunting and heartbreaking. And yet amazingly, incredibly inspiring.”   Sharon - http://aleafinspringtime.wordpress.com

and Elle who commented on my ABOUT but has no link? 

“I just read ‘give and take’ and shook and cried for the longest time. Whole and true.”  Elle   

and Elizabeth?

“Beautiful… I was moved by it all… Great piece of writing too.”   Elizabeth – http://mirthandmotivation.com

and ‘Blackbirds‘?

“Very powerful writing.”   **NAME** - http://spinningblackbirds.wordpress.com

 and Colleen?

“You are a teacher.”   Colleen - http://bikecolleenbrown.wordpress.com

If so, please let me know how you wish to be represented.  For instance, do you want to be quoted as ‘Colleen Brown, USA’ & link or ‘Colleen’ & no link or ‘ChatterMaster’ & link or whatever.  Please let me know! 

~~~

I’ve decided The James Diary will be AUD$12.99 hard copy.  Plus AUD$3.99 post & packaging no matter where in the world you are for up to three books, then AUD$1 per book thereafter.   My birth date being the 3rd of the 3rd ($1+2+9+9=21… 2+1=3), this feels “all good” to me.  

SPECIAL OFFER

Because I’m just me – not famous, special or blogger extraordinaire; besides which, people are self-publishing all over the place, my way of making this first outting (of my mind) special, is to make a special offer!!  And that is:  the first 39 paid orders will be autographed by me.    How is that ‘special’?     {blush} Yes, I get your point.  

This offer is made ARGUABLY ‘special’ by the fact that I will not consider autographing another copy until after the 3,639th hard copy is sold (hah hah hah, hee hee hee – I know!!!…!!!).  If you think that may become a “genuinely special thing” in time, then invest in your hunch now. 

To honour this offer, we together need to know what a ‘paid order‘ and ‘the first 39‘ means in this offer.  So, a paid order is an amount of AUD$12.99/The James Diary + AUD$3.99/post & packaging worldwide +AUD$1/post per book beyond three made to me via Paypal,  and that payment being received by me.  

To pay by Paypal, input my email address nandd333@hotmail.com at the SEND MONEY tab, and follow the way.  It’s surprisingly easy – I mean that!  I’ve done it! Please email me (nandd333@hotmail.com), alerting me of your order, and what name and address to send the book to.

A ‘paid order‘ for the purposes of this promotion is NOT an order made using the email wordsfallfrommyeyes@hotmail.com.  Orders made through there will be honoured, but for accuracy of determining ‘the first 39‘, will not be counted.  

‘The first 39‘ is the first 39 book orders received through nandd333@hotmail.com Paypal, which are paid orders. 

~

Wow.  That was really businessy.  But I know that money is business and I wish to be completely transparent in what I am offering, and will deliver.  Please knowI am in pre-production and don’t expect the hard copy to be issued before 1 May 2013, at a guess.

Whether it will ever prove special that I only autograph 39 books before the 3,639th is “anyone’s guess“.   Hey!  I just realised this is special because only my subbers and passers-by will get this opportunity!  Sweet

~

Again, Aunty Uta, AussieEmu - all of you really:  thank you for giving me the confidence, at this later stage of my life, to actually put something up for publication.  I have had some short stories published, and erotica in both the U.K. and U.S.A., but this is something I’m a little more precious about: the inner me.

I know I’m paying for publication(!), but here today I begin to dream: one day by my words I profit and I then, after all in the very very end,  leave something for my only child Daniel…other than debt.  In that alone, I would have grown beyond what our family of Irish dysfunction/fortitude, Polish iron constitution/tragedies of the mind,  has ever achieved.

Make no mistake, you have played a part in this coming about.

Sincerely,

N’n.

The opening words of The James Diary:

Hi.  It’s Sunday May 16^th and I’ve just decided to write to you.

Actually, I decided it on Swanbourne as I lay naked with my face in the sand, wondering how I could stop myself from continually annoying you.  Then it hit me – if I wrote to you but never sent the words, just pretended I was talking with you and you were a wee bit interested, I’d be satisfying the part of me that wants to reach out to you.  Though not the part that seeks to touch you.

I really had to think of something because I know I’m irritating you.  Every time you’re in range I overflow with eagerness, and you turn away in distaste.  I trip up emotionally, try to hold back, try not to annoy you, try and not flush with sexual pleasure at seeing you.  But nothing works.  I’m not a person who can be restrained from expression – I don’t even see reason to cage what you feel, or reason to censor your delights, your thoughts, your passions, your moods.

.

I don’t expect I’ll write forever, but as long as I want to talk to you and you don’t want to hear from me, I’ll write this diary toward you.  It’s the only solution I see fit, for these last months I’ve written you so many times then just burnt my letters, lying on my bed in candlelight, or buried them on the beach where perhaps they’ll be stumbled upon by some person who dropped their keys in the sand.  At  least this way I can burn the whole book of you, not torturously letter after letter.

I can hardly believe I still want to talk to you after so long, but I do, and I hope these notes will systematically exhaust all I wish to share with you, and the whole event of James In My Life will finally, eventually, be over.

 

Copyright, Noeleen