And who, in us all, ever meant to do anything for which we would need to be forgiven? Not me, may I be the first to say.
Yet, ‘life happens’.
You who know my story, have been with me since I came out of hospital Aug’11 having almost killed my Self – the little girl inside me still affected by the resounding effects of abuse… when I came out and began writing this tell of the lives of Daniel & me, well, I never meant to drink “too much”, and then drink “too much” again, and then again. And again.
I realised April 2012 that since single-handedly moving Daniel and me from west Australia to the east mid-2008, finding work, him a school, place to live, and all the physicality of all that, unsupported – then reaching exhaustion – well, I realised that alcohol had slipped under my guard. It had never been a problem before, but ‘suddenly’ it was.
“I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.” Robert Orben
when I recognise a need to “change” my life, I always do. I have SO many times. This time (April’12), I started my other blog, a video diary expressing my struggle with alcohol, and reflecting on WHY I was self-sabotaging, ruining my health, my Self. And in sharing my journey with ‘whoever may listen’, well, I hoped to inspire anyone who needed to know that someone out there was going through something like they are – by showing them my efforts to change.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Martin Luther King Jr.
I can’t say I’ve forgiven my dad. I’m sorry, I, I just haven’t got that far yet.
For now, I just don’t want to leave Daniel with any reason to need to forgive me. Because, like I said, I fell – I fell in utter fatigue last year, and experienced mental unwell, and nearly murdered his mother (me).
So today I joined ‘OcSober‘. It’s a sober month of October we’re having here in Australia (bet the grog industry hates that) and it’s a fundraiser for – well, on their web site they say, “All money raised goes to Life Education, the organisation behind the iconic educational mascot, Healthy Harold who reach over 600,000 Aussie kids with their vital health and drug program every year.“
“A baby is born with a need to be loved – and never outgrows it.” Frank Howard Clark
I know that we ALL have bills to pay, family to take care of first and ‘pet projects’ in our own hearts, so I speak only to those with whom this issue strikes a chord – and that chord reverberates and echoes through your heart a melancholy tone. If perchance you have $5, $10 to spare for this cause, the site, specifically to my fund raising page, is here: YES, I CAN HELP.
See, I was once a teen with a manic-depressive, alcoholic, abusive father, and to think there are kids out there right now in that place, well, I hope you will not mind, Subbers, that I’ve put this ‘out there’ through here.
While I’m thinking in your direction, I just want to say I value you each – just for the fact we relate, in that you’ve clicked to follow our journey so there must be “something in it” for you. But I don’t know your situation fully. So if YOU reading this right now, are in turmoil in your life right now – alcohol, acrimonious relations, abuse – I wish you to know, very sincerely (because I DO relate), that I wish no less than strength and endurance for you – and peace. It’s so true what Winston Churchill said:
If you’re going through hell, keep going.
- reason is, because things WILL change (and you keep helping them change).
Cheers, fellow bloggers.
Thank you for letting me in.
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. Winston Churchill
OH! & PS!
If you’re interested to see my current edition from video diary, you can check it out below. It includes ORIGINAL music composed and performed by The Heretic, aka Ocular Manifestation Maelstrom, aka Senior Grumpy’s Podcast! Thanks again, Michael, for enhancing my vid with your talent