“Life’s too short to not get fxxxxd” my coworker Molly said to me, quite candidly.
We had been talking about our weekends. Hers was with fxxxxd; mine was without.
“But”, I’d said – at which she stopped me.
But you know what I mean, don’t you, Reader? It’s a defensive measure. I don’t really like “people” because, well you know – you know how regrettable they can be – and I had decided when I left Perth with my son that I could do just fine without them.
Molly was abundantly fxxxxd, or “fxxxxded”. She had a great sounding boyfriend. She’d come out from Canada – didn’t know that many Aussie girls yet, but she was doing just fine. I pretty much like Molly – she’s fun. I’d go to Canada just to get fxxxxd, like her.
Molly thinks I should broaden my horizons, perhaps try a dating site. There’s this service called Dinner for Six, where the agency pairs up three women and three men and set you off to dinner, like three blind dates (or three blind mice), and if it goes well, great; if it doesn’t, then not devastating because there’ll be another mouse lined up for next weekend. I’ve got to admit, this cat does like to play with mice. It’s just that, the last time I had a mouse in my house, it ate ME. It ate my time, my energy, my joi de vivre…
“I suppose” I said, staring at the photocopier rolling out the pages. Whirrr-rrrr-rrrr-rrrr. It was another life choice, I guess: be fxxxxd or be without fxxxxd. I think I went a bit dreamy because when I broke my gaze, Molly was gone.
I went back to my desk, with two handsfull of papers. I put the originals back on the file and neatly squared the copies on my desk, hitting their edges down and shaping them up. I sat down.
Fxxxxd. It’s not really a dirty word, not really. I remember being fxxxxd. It cold be fun. I mean, it could be a negative experience when you chose the wrong person to be fxxxxd with – but there’s that word again: ”choice”.
“Crackers?” Molly said, pausing behind me with her hand out, offering me a Ritz. I found two words which fell from Molly’s mouth very endearing: “crackers” and “bananas” (“a” as in ‘cat’ – bAnAnAs). We don’t say “crackers” in Australia – well, not unless we’re calling someone crazy. “You’re crackers!” And as for “bananas”, it’s “ban-ahhh-nah”, isn’t it? I smiled.
“Thanks!,” and accepted her offer of fxxxxd.
What am I doing?? I’ve even banned the word from my vocab., so hell-bent have I become on living without being fxxxxd. I’m going to say it. First I will re-introduce it into my vocab., and then I might, you know – might, well, I might… might… CHAT with people again. That’s a start. I can chat with people and relax a bit. I mean, a run of “bad” men doesn’t mean they’re all bad, does it? (heh, nervous laugh – I don’t know any more…)
No, I DO know. Every single human is a new experience. Even I, for all the contemplating I’ve been doing since Daniel and me left Perth, am a “new experience” compared to what I was upon arrival. It’s time for me now. This flower has had its petals closed over its bud for so long, cowering in the Garden of Life like a person with their arms over their head, protectively.
My petals have loosened since I got to Melbourne: I know that. Now, I just might consciously let one curl out a little and have a peek at this garden I’m in. It’s sunny out; I can see that. And I like talking to Molly. She doesn’t seem too painful an experience. In fact, we laugh a lot. Landing this job August last year, just out of hospital in June, was just the tonic I needed.
First, I will start by saying the “offending word”…
Ugh. OK, OK, so there it is: FRIEND. Now, if I’m honest with myself, I wouldn’t mind being friend again. It’s natural to get friend, be friend.
GET F****D! BE F****D! I feel like yelling!
Oops, I did it again – hid it, like a dirty word.
Right. To start my Tuesday here in Melbourne Australia, I’m going to share with you a couple of quotes with “friend” in them, so that maybe you can think about it like I will today and we can all be on this wavelength and create a swell, you know – a swell across the ocean, across the world, of positive thought about “friends”. And maybe I – and hey! others like me! – will get caught up in that swell. No, I will: I will – and I will prepare to ride the wave of friendship again. I think I can do it. I mean, they say “don’t cut off your nose to spite your face”; well, I realize over time that I have pretty much cut off people to spite my life. But it’s not natural, you know?
And thank you “Google-god” for the images, and BrainyQuotes for the quotes.
“A friend is one who knows you, and loves you just the same.” Elbert Hubbard
“A friend to all, is a friend to none.” Aristotle
“A hug is like a boomerang – you get it back right away.” Bil Keane
“A man’s growth is seen in the successive choirs of his friends.” Ralph Waldo Emerson